Cookies!

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Made cookies for our DnD group. They actually turned out the way they were supposed to, even though the recipe had an annoying error. One of first things it told you to do was preheat the oven. I don’t know about you, but I don’t turn on the oven when I still have to refrigerate the dough for two hours. Despite the annoying recipe, I’ll probably make them again. I really enjoyed them. Still an annoying recipe. I want to make them and bake them, not make them and then pause for two hours before you finish.

Made a batch of brioche this week, too. All I can say about it is that it was edible. I don’t have enough experience to know how much the dough should rise, and it wasn’t anywhere near warm enough for it.

Cracker pie is next on the list for DnD night. I want to try baking more, but we really don’t want to eat it all; DnD night is the perfect excuse for baking experiments. If you want people to be happy to see you, bring food.

I am a big fat coward

My cat’s nails have needed trimming. For a looonngg time. I’ve tried to cut her nails before; it’s like wrestling with a bag of fish hooks. That and last time she was mad at me for a week. But her nails just keep growing and she sounds like an old poodle clicking around the house. I managed to cut a couple of the worst ones, but it wasn’t easy and it just made me put off cutting them all.

Finally one day she managed to get a nail from her front foot caught on a nail from her back foot. Seeing my poor girl like that finally overcame my cowardice. I fetched out a beach towel and the nail clippers wrapped her up and started to clip. She escaped twice; she’s remarkably strong for an ancient, seven pound cat. I finally got them all cut. I’m hoping I won’t put off cutting them so long next time.

I just don’t want to have to deal with it

Went with my sisters over to work on Mom and Dad’s house Saturday. We really didn’t get much done; we spent most of our time walking from room to room being sad and playing “Do you remember when?” Losing Mom seems to have made all of us feel like we’ve lost Dad all over again, too. At least we came up with a plan for what to do next time we’re there.

We were supposed to do it last weekend, but I came down with the flu on New Year’s Eve and I’m still not feeling that great. I’ve never had a flu last this long. It’s very demoralizing. I have a friend who I love, but she has some weird ideas. She thinks that flu vaccinations are a government conspiracy. A conspiracy to what she can’t tell me. I think it’s a conspiracy to keep workers at work and out of emergency rooms.

We wandered around the rooms saying “Do you want this? Do you want that? You said you wanted it.” I, between still not feeling good and being sad about losing Mom, just couldn’t be bothered. Youngest sister wisely said “We’ll decide later. You might regret any decision you make right now.” And even though I just don’t want to deal with these things, I feel like she’s probably right.

So instead I been taking my “I don’t want to have to deal with it” out on things at home. The plastic tub I tried to grow a cat lawn in but instead my cat used it for a cat box. Out it went, dirt and all. One of the big green containers I got to hold potting soil, but never used, away with it. Next will be the big thing we put an old umbrella on. I’m going to take it apart and see if I can get the Spouse to make it go away. I just don’t want to have to deal with it.

Short Christmas Road Trip

So we started off on Christmas Eve morning and headed straight for the coast. We hadn’t been driving too long when this came by:
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Then these:
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By the time we caught up to them there was around a hundred of them.
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I thought it was an auspicious beginning for a holiday road trip.

We started at Balboa Island. Quite some time ago we went to an olive oil tasting and a talk on the Mediterranean diet. They had a shop on Balboa and the Spouse had kept the flyer, wanting to go there someday. The store was still there, so we went in. The guy who’d given the talk was there. He talked us into some oil and we left happy.

It had been a very long time since I’d been there. We stayed on the island a few times when we were kids. The population was a little more diverse, but it seemed otherwise unchanged from when I went there as a kid.
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From there we went south along the coast, heading inland only when we had to.
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Mid-week trip

The Wonderful Spouse and I went on an overnight trip to San Diego to see a comedian we haven’t had a chance to see before. The Spouse made us hotel reservations.

We left before noon and the drive down was really smooth.

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We stopped at a cactus and succulent nursery that I’d been to once before and wasn’t sure where it was. We found it pretty easily.

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This is my favorite purchase.

We had drinks at the hotel bar

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and walked to a Brazilian restaurant near the hotel. Then we walked to the theater.

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It was really cool inside.

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There has been a distinct lack of posts lately. My mom’s health suddenly took a turn for the worse, she went into the hospital and she died shortly after. We went through all of the conflicting emotions of the loss of a very loved mom whose mind and body were failing. Difficult doesn’t begin to describe it. Sometimes the simplest things were the most difficult. Signing the hospice paper was an emotional avalanche. In the hospital or at home, I was there almost every day. Her mental condition deteriorated until no one could manage it. She ended up in hospice house and died in less than 24 hours.

Afterwards was the rush of preparing for a funeral while in emotional shock, notifying people, travel, beds. Youngest sister did most of it.

Since then I wash back and forth in waves of different emotions. Guilt, sadness, guilt, missing her, guilt.

For the first two weeks it seemed like she came to mind from minute. We’d spent so much time together over the past seven years. Seven years of Sundays. Sunday lunch with Mom was a big part of the clock that measured my time. I saved up everything that happened in my life so we would have something to talk about. That will probably be the only thing I’m grateful to Trump for. He was an endless topic of conversation.

I’ve lost my best cheerleader, too. She could be relied on to be happy about every positive thing that happened in my life.

So I’m feeling a bit untethered. I wasn’t aware of how much ‘what Mom would think of that’ there was in my life until there wasn’t the mom-wall for it to bounce off of.

I feel like I’ve lost a refuge. Someplace I could go if I really had to. Someone I could talk to.