I’ve added a lot of new garden links to my blog this year. It has been informative and inspiring.
Because of them I’ve joined a local cactus and succulent group. Gone to plant shows and sales. It’s wonderful when you find your own brand of nerd.
Now, following a link from one blog to another blog I have found a new obsession. I’ve been a fan of the Arts and Crafts movement for a long time, and I really like Frances Gearhart’s work. Now the trick is to find a piece that I can afford.
I’ve been blogging for a long time. Ever since I found Diaryland in my endless wanderings around the web. It was fun. I could look at the source code and figured out how to do useless stuff like make it snow on your page or have your cursor expand and contract like a slinky. I enjoyed it enough that I’ve kept on reading and writing since about
I’ve watched the evolution of a lot of blogs. They come and they go. I’ve always figured that people blog for their own reasons. They don’t owe anything to anyone. They can start or stop whenever they want. I do admit that I’ve really missed some of them when they stop for a while. I’m persistent, though, and keep checking back. Once in a while I’m rewarded and they start blogging again.
Sometimes blogs end because the owner pssed away. Sometimes they just stop and sometimes you’re left guessing.
In the age of Facebook I can see why most don’t blog. But I’ve always preferred the long version. So I’ll keep reading. And as long as I’m here, writing.
I find that Christmas is getting harder to bear the closer I get to the day.
And it’s not the memories that make me sad. The memories make me happy. Listening to the old Christmas songs make me feel more connected to Dad Thinking of the Mission Inn reminds me of my Mom-in-Law. I never thought I’d think of anyone as any other kind of Mom except my Mom. I’ve learned differently.
I miss them. The nearer the holiday gets, the more I miss them. Their contributions to my life.
I almost lost it today in the soldering class I took for making jewelry. Not because of any one thing. Because of everything. Because of Dad. Because of Mom-in-Law. Because of what’s going on with my Mom. Because of the way these losses affect both me and Wonderful Spouse. Because of the time I’m spending driving back and forth. Because of the almost 10 months this has been going on.
I’m tired. My patience is over. If I was a better person, it wouldn’t be. But I’m not and it is.
The things that hit me the hardest continue to surprise me. I think I’m doing well. Then I think of my most recent favorite Christmas song “White Wine in the Sun.” My feelings about Christmas are complex, and the song expresses most of them, in their basic form. Religion isn’t important to me. Presents aren’t important to me. The part of Christmas that’s important to me is being with family.
And I have less family this year. A lot less.
I so miss them.
Still my family.
Still my Mom, Still my husband and both of my sisters.
Still, my family. *sigh* Still a Dad-sized hole my world.
My immediate surroundings have been touched, though not directly changed. The sun still falls through the windows the same way, the garden still smells fresh and green, but that picture, on our bookshelf, that man is no longer here. My husband, my home, my pets, they are still here. Our garden is still my sanctuary. I still have this. Maybe I have been selfish. Hell, I know I have been selfish. But my husband and my home let me do what I do. None of which I find easy.
I see, every time I leave her, that my Mom is alone now. And as much as I want to be there all the time, I can’t. I need my evenings in the yard. Sanctuary! Sanctuary!
Things have changed. My Dad is no longer here. It’s a damn big Frank-sized hole. Mom feels that empty space so much more than we do. Do I tell that I feel that space too? Their home is so much different now.
Someplace for so many years was Mom and Dad.
My computer died.
Now, do I get the software I bought over the past 15 months back? Or do I have to buy it again. I really really don’t have the money to buy CS4 again. Or another version of MS Office. I bought Office because I need it for work. My employer really doesn’t have the money to buy me Office, but I really need one to be able to even open work files at home.
Chit. Not at all sure how this is going to play out.
Amazon. I really love buying stuff from Amazon. I can look back in my purchase history and see what I bought and when I bought it. Is it still under warranty or not? I can see that. I’ll buy more stuff from Amazon just because I’m pretty sure they’ll support what I’ve got.
Amazon resonds. Sony, oh, hell, you don’t want to have to call Sony. Good luck to you if you need to call them. You’ll get a computer generated voice from an English as a second language speaker. Good luck getting help from that. It’s a flippin’ cliche and there’s a damn good reason for that.
With Amazon, I get what I’ve bought. If I buy a book. It’s mine. No matter when or what the platform.
I’ve had issues with a point and shoot camera that I bought several years ago. Amazon had my purchase history and I could see that the camera company needed to work with me.
With Amazon, I know what I’ve bought and when I bought it. I don’t think I’ve ever spoken with an Amazon customer service person. And yet, I’m still happy with Amazon customer service. Kind of think that Sony. could benefit from lessons from Amazon. I no longer trust Sony