My doctor died and I’m really sad

I had this great doctor. He helped me get through a very rough and frightening time. And he died. Suddenly. Like I saw him a couple of weeks ago and have a prescription in my purse suddenly. When I got the letter from his office I thought maybe I had an overdue bill or something.

All those things that people write for condolences, saddened, shocked, I really feel that. He’d been someone I knew I could go to with my health issues. He’d made me feel like we were partners in my health care. He was kind, conscientious and a little bit weird. Just my kind of person.

This is the first time I’ve felt this way about someone I wasn’t related to. I’ll find another doctor, but I won’t find another him.

Otoliths or Rocks in My Head

So I have rocks in my head. So do you for that matter, but at least one of mine has misplaced itself. It started on Thursday when I started feeling a little dizzy (no smart remarks) and nauseous. It was kind of better on Friday morning, then really bad on Friday night and through the weekend. I had just started a new medication and was sure that was it. But I stopped taking it and the dizziness didn’t go away; it actually got worse.

Then I remembered reading about otoliths in this blog. And how there are exercises that you can do to cure the vertigo. I tried them without success and then went on to scare myself to death by reading all the other things it could be caused by.

By chance I had a doctor’s appointment today, so when I went to see him I told him about the vertigo, he had me tip my head forward and back, tip it side to side, then rotate it right to left. The only place I got dizzy was in rotating right to left. Most probably an otolith in one the lateral canals.  So I got a prescription for Antivert and may try rolling around trying to get it back where it belongs, but otherwise, nothing dreadful.

And I found out that my lupus is not significantly more active. And the doc liked the jewelry I made for him. He’d asked for five bracelets and five pendants. I made closer to ten pendants, using all of the nice coins I had for the country he wanted. He bought them all. So all in all, a good day.

Another bad night

Had another bad night last night. It seemed like all the muscles below my knees cramped up at the same time and just wouldn’t stop. The pain from already sore muscles cramping up again was so bad it had me in me in tears, trying to stretch one side of my leg without triggering cramps on the other. Again, the kitty followed me around the bed as I moaned and cried. When I leaned my head on the bed trying to catch my breath when the cramps finally started to subside, she was right by me. When I finally got back into bed to go back to sleep, she curled up beside me. Our kitty actually wants me to feel better. This too brought tears to my eyes.

I am not having a good time.

I have not been feeling my best for a while now. For the last few months I’ve been sleeping a lot and feeling generally fatigued. A couple of weeks ago I noticed that I has starting to have joint pains and vague muscle aches. All the symptoms of just before I was diagnosed with lupus years ago. I decided that rather than wait to see if the symptoms would snowball I’d go to the doctor and find out for sure. My suspicions were well founded. After decades of dormancy my lupus is active again. Ah shit. I think I know why. I had a horrible cold while I was on vacation this year. I was actively sick for almost 10 day and then another month before coughing went away. The general malaise never did.

Right after the doctor told me, I was afraid it was because of my job. At the same time I went from a low stress job to a high stress job. And while I’m sure that change didn’t help, it really bothered me to think that it might be the cause. When I remembered about being sick I was actually relieved. I’m also happy that I was right about how I was feeling. Makes me feel like I’m not crazy or malingering.

One of the things that’s going on is that for the past couple of nights I’ve been having lower leg cramps so bad that I wake up screaming in pain, startling the heck out my husband and the cats. I basically leap out of bed and try to get my legs in a position that will stretch out the muscles. Unfortunately, that’s a bit difficult when both shin and calf muscles have seized up. And it doesn’t help that our bed is so high I have to stand on my toes to get into bed. It’s kind of funny, but the younger cat, after the first time, just took it in stride, following me on the bed as I walked back and forth. I don’t know whether she was trying to comfort me or just saw it as another opportunity to get petted.