I stood at the edge of the abyss

And wanted to fall.

It would have been easier.

Easier to fall off the edge.

Easier to die. Easier to give up. Easier to stop trying.

But she was there.

She held my hand.

And her hand holding mine kept me here. In the land of the living.

That’s why these last 12 months have meant so much to me.

She’s asked me sevveral times if I feel obligated to her. And she’s tried to tell me that I shouldn’t.

But that’s just wrong.

Her hand holding mine kept me in this world. There’s just no way I would have cared enough to hold on if it weren’t for her.

I wouldn’t have had the 25 years I’ve had.

There’s no way to repay that. And yes, there is a sense of obligation. How could it be otherwise?

Mom’s paid for my life, twice over.

That makes going to visit her easier. And knowing the inevitable ending harder.

So I feel obligated to her

So I’ll do the best I can. I have done. I will do.

And though it costs me dear I will not regret it.

One thought on “I stood at the edge of the abyss

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s