And wanted to fall.
It would have been easier.
Easier to fall off the edge.
Easier to die. Easier to give up. Easier to stop trying.
But she was there.
She held my hand.
And her hand holding mine kept me here. In the land of the living.
That’s why these last 12 months have meant so much to me.
She’s asked me sevveral times if I feel obligated to her. And she’s tried to tell me that I shouldn’t.
But that’s just wrong.
Her hand holding mine kept me in this world. There’s just no way I would have cared enough to hold on if it weren’t for her.
I wouldn’t have had the 25 years I’ve had.
There’s no way to repay that. And yes, there is a sense of obligation. How could it be otherwise?
Mom’s paid for my life, twice over.
That makes going to visit her easier. And knowing the inevitable ending harder.
So I feel obligated to her
So I’ll do the best I can. I have done. I will do.
And though it costs me dear I will not regret it.