Still

Still my family.

Still my Mom, Still my husband and both of my sisters.

Still, my family. *sigh* Still a Dad-sized hole my world.

My immediate surroundings have been touched, though not directly changed. The sun still falls through the windows the same way, the garden still smells fresh and green, but that picture, on our bookshelf, that man is no longer here. My husband, my home, my pets, they are still here. Our garden is still my sanctuary. I still have this. Maybe I have been selfish. Hell, I know I have been selfish. But my husband and my home let me do what I do. None of which I find easy.

I see, every time I leave her, that my Mom is alone now. And as much as I want to be there all the time, I can’t. I need my evenings in the yard. Sanctuary! Sanctuary!

Things have changed. My Dad is no longer here. It’s a damn big Frank-sized hole. Mom feels that empty space so much more than we do. Do I tell that I feel that space too? Their home is so much different now.
Someplace for so many years was Mom and Dad.

3 thoughts on “Still

  1. Dear Lorinda,

    About 5:00 PM Friday I had just left Mammoth Airport and all of sudden a huge sadness washed over me….
    I hadn’t looked at my e-mail in a few days and there was a e-mail from Kevin telling me about your Dad.
    I’ve missed your Dad all these years and now I will miss him more. I loved him.
    I wish I could say something profound that could ease your pain, but only time will do that.

    Love, Steve

    1. Thank you. I cannot even describe my feeling of loss, but I appreciate your thoughts. There are more things on earth and in heaven than I’ve ever dreamt of.

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