I’m lucky?

I’m lucky.
I’m almost 53 years old and this is the first really important death in my life.

Really. I know I’m lucky.
But nothing prepares you for this. I’ve seen it on the horizon for quite a while now.

But, like watching a train wreck in slow motion, even though you know what’s coming, it just doesn’t prepare you for the awfulness of the situation.

You know it’s coming. You know it’s going to hurt. Sometimes you can see which limb will be torn from limb.

Doesn’t help. Hurts more. You feel like if you knew what was coming, you should have been able to stop it.

You can’t. Life is life. It’s a cycle. It is the way it is. Until our sun burns out, we are part of this planet. That comforts me. It’s not eternal, but it’s a really long time.

And while I’m grateful that life is good here on our wonderful planet, there’s still a Dad-sized hole in my world, impossible to fill.

2 thoughts on “I’m lucky?

  1. I am sorry to hear of your loss. I am familiar with that moment in time. Promise, it will get better. The pain leaves and the happy memories will remain. Soon you’ll be able to focus on the wonderful moments and the important teachings from your father. I love the photo of you with the fish! Hope you plant a tree in his honor.

    1. Thank you for your kind comment. I am lucky that this is the first major loss in my life and I have so many happy memories. I think maybe a tree every year on his birthday.

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