Not so close to the surface

Tears are not so close to the surface at this point, but the lead weight in my chest remains, coloring the world with a persistent shade of gray.

Went over to my folks house on Friday and took mom on some errands.  Each time I see him, Dad seems almost normal to me.  But things happen in front of other members of the family.  It really seems like his condition is deteriorating rapidly.  A month ago, he was fine.  Now he can’t remember where he put stuff, he’s putting things in odd places.  This isn’t a decline, it’s a crash.   

I worry about how long my mom will be able to care for him.  What will happen to Mom later?  Hamster brain plagues my nights.  I’m having more trouble sleeping than I ever have before.  I want to exercise; I know it will help.  But it’s hard to work up the energy to exercise when I’ve been up most of the night.

Thanks for the recommendation on the shower as a place to let go.  I can tell that’s going to be useful.

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